Friday, May 11, 2007

Fear and Loathing in Edson

Oops. Been a little while since I posted anything but we've been busy! Jason has been home for the last two weeks and has managed to build a fish pond, put up the hammock and build a fort out of cardboard boxes in the basement. Nothing too interesting unless you count our little night to Stockyards (the big club scene in Edson). Here's the scoop:
Jason, Stuart and I decide that we need a little night on the town, we started out at Castaway's hoping there might be some live music (there wasn't) so we skipped on down to Galloways and were entertained by the druken caterwauling of Edson locals (Karoke night), once we bored of this we headed down to the 'place to be on a Friday night' Stockyards. Since there are so many fights at this little joint they insist on scanning your license before you go in.......except me, I looked at the guy and said "Honestly, do I look like I'm going to start some shit here?" and apparently I don't look like the fighting type so he let me in without scanning. Afterwards we were confronted by a three hundred pound woman in a bikini top that informed us there was a $4.00 cover, we didn't mind but if there were ever an organization for cruelty to glowsticks we would have reported her.
Anyway, we get in the bar and I notice a couple girls walking around in bikinis, I assume it's some new slutty trend that I must have missed (meanwhile I'm walking around in a longsleeved shirt and embarrasing) until we see the bouncer with the water gun and suddenly it hits home, beach night! What a fantastic way to get a bunch of girls dressed in their scantily clads while you spray them with a water gun. Genius! That is until a renegade bouncer accidentally sprayed me on the arm, I almost jumped up and beat him with his water gun but he missed my hair so I let it slide (I did tell the guy at the front that I wasn't going to start any shit and so felt obilgated to behave). The rest of the night was pretty boring, I did manage to record some dance floor action on Stu's phone but it was pretty low quality so I didn't add it to the post.

We ended up staying until the bar closed and then staggered home, decided Stockyards was the lamest thing in Edson, vowed never to go back and fell asleep.

Today we are enjoying the more fun side of Edson by going fishing. I'm sure this will end badly so I promise to make another update soon. Also, I've finally joined the ranks of online friending and have started a facebook thingy. If you're part of facebook be my friend so I don't look so lame!

Penny and Jason

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Jason Robert Gobert

Poor Jason. He works so much and has spent maybe a total of two weeks in our new house, it sucks but he seems to be handling it well (unlike me, I would have died of exhaustion after the first month.....okay the first week). Coming home from Edmonton the other day he fell fast asleep in the backseat and woke up when we got to Edson, when I asked him how his sleep was he said "Great! I had a dream that I was the mayor of Edson and everyone wanted me to play on their baseball team". What a funny guy.

Penny and Jason

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Cooking is for losers

Now that I am the spoiled, idle-minded girlfriend of a successful welder (living the Canadian dream doncha know) I find myself with all sorts of free time, and so have decided to learn how to cook. This is proving to be difficult as I hate almost all food that didn't come from a warm, tasty animal and most good recipes involve vegetables. I decided yesterday that spinach lasagna was a good idea as the spinach is mostly drowned in cheese which makes it tolerable. So anyway, after shopping for three different cheeses, trying to figure out the difference between tomato sauce, tomato paste and crushed tomatos, I finally managed to muster up something that passed for lasagna. Barely. It's not that it was bad, it just wasn't very good.
This may have been an end to my culinary feats were it not for the fact that I made the best pumpkin cheescake in the world today. I guess I may just have to stick to desserts, might as well get fat since I have nothing better to do. Tomorrow I try my hand at a Easter turkey, usually I just get drunk on wine beforehand and my Mom gets disgusted and cooks it for me but this time I'm going to give it a go.
Hope everyone has a great Easter!

Penny and Jason

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

A day in the life of a hooker

So I'm walking to work the other day (everyone drives here! It's like they don't understand that everything is within ten blocks of everything else) when I hear a honk behind me. I assume it's someone I know and so turn around only to see some asshole in his work truck making devil horns and sticking his tongue out. Ummmm why? I must have accidentally put on my "Honk at me I'm a whore" jacket that morning without realizing it. Fuck.

And that my friends was the most interesting thing that happened to me all week.

Yes life is boring but that's because Jason is still in Rocky Mountain House and I have long ago lost the ability to entertain myself. Thank God for America's Next Top Model.
Good new is we are coming to Edmonton the Monday after Easter! Hooray! All I want to do is drink beer, go to movies and eat breakfast.......and we'll be sleeping on someone's floor so don't be suprised if we show up at your house.

Penny and Jason

Penny and Jason

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Bubba's Point of View

Hi - I'm Bubba the Dog. I am Jason's dog but he leaves me with Penny because he is working in Rocky Mountain House. Penny and I don't always get along, I think it's because she doesn't understand me. Like today for example, we just moved into a new house and the owners really like it! I like it too but couldn't help but notice that it smelled different, and so figured the best thing to do was to go upstairs and take a big, runny shit on the floor. I also made sure to go in a place that would be really hard to find and it took Penny at least 10 minutes of sniffing around before she found it. I assumed that she would be thrilled that the upstairs now smelled like poo factory but noooooo. Instead of acknowledging my gift she flipped out, telling me my poo was so nasty she could taste it, that it wasn't so much a smell but a force, and then accused me of eating bleach! also didn't help that the windows don't open upstairs. I'm pretty sure she wanted to put my head through the wall, you can imagine my surprise.

So after she was finally done yelling at me for something I did to help out the family she actually rubbed my nose in it and then threw me outside. What a bitch.



PS. After I wrote this Penny walked in the living room and stepped right into the pile of carrots I had thrown up today on the carpet. That was on purpose.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A lesson in morality

The Rosary is the weapon. This is a sticker that is stuck to our back door, I have decided to leave it there lest we forget and stray from God's path. The woman who sold us our house was really nice and happened to be a very devout catholic. Cool with us although we did find stickers that said 'Jesus' on the top of a bunch of doorframes.......

Anyway, today the internet guy came to hook up our internet and mentioned that there was some weird stuff downstairs. It turns out our sweet little Catholic was also a stront anti-abortionist, which I figured out by the anti-abortion picket signs in our basement. Hilarious. I thought the best thing to do was to take pictures of them, post them on the blog and then display them at our housewarming party.


Penny and Jason

Friday, February 23, 2007

Vets are perverts

We are in our new house! Hooray! After a long week of moving, painting and almost killing each other we are officially in our new slanty shanty. Jason is calling it a slanty shanty because the floor in the kitchen is a little slanted due to it settling and being an old house. I could care less but will enjoy rolling marbles on it in the near future........
The house is great, I will post photos as soon as I get everything unpacked and it looks habitable (which it is not right now, I'm lucky to find underwear in the morning). I am finishing up in Edmonton right now, working a couple days at the hospital and cleaning the old house. Boooo.

Bubba is with me and is helping out by shitting on the carpets once we clean them. Fucking dog.

Speaking of animals, we have accidetally adopted a cat. She was half starved and hanging out at
Stu's so he brought her to us so we now have a little outdoor kitty. I'm pretty sure she's kind of retarded, maybe inbred, but all the more reason to take her in. Retarded cats need love too.
Now this brings me to the title of this post...........Stu (being responsible) took the kitty to the vet to get her checked out. I guess the cat purred throughout the entire thing EVEN when the vet stuck a finger up her butt. Dirty kitty. Anyway, the vet then proceeded to explain all sorts of things about the cats labia to Stuart along with a visual presentation. Who does this??? Although I suppose I'll know who to ask if I ever find the need to explore my cats labia.

Point is the vet here is a pervert for sure and my cat is some sort of mentally challenged inbred that enjoys a little 'backdoor adventure'.

Ummm that's all for now, stay tuned for house pictures and info on our kick ass housewarming party (possible theme is leave your keys and pants at the door).

Penny and Jason

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Two thumbs up for sweatpants!

I feel the need to explain the title of our blog for those of you who have never been to Edson. In the last year or so I've noticed that a large population of Edsonites have introduced sweatpants to their daily out and about lives. In the grocery store, on main street and even sometimes in the bar I've noticed at least a few people decked out in their sweatpant finery. Not everyone would appreciate these little trend-setters who are walking around town in their raggedy old sweatpants with the saggy bum, but I sure do! Those of you that know me know that I have a hate-on for pants and would choose some sort of flannel, cotton, pajama type alternative to regular pants any day so I say "Good for you!" to the brave person willing to walk around in total comfortability despite their sweatpants being too small, too big or just worn out in all the wrong places. Combine this with the fact that I can wear scrubs to work and I'm looking at at least six out of seven pants free days a week. Pretty sweet.

Penny and Jason

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Happy New Years!!

We had our New Year's party last weekend, late but not forgotten. Thanks to Jenny and Derek who always throw awesome parties at which the rest of us get slobbering drunk.

I'm pretty sure I had a good time but since Jason was out of town I was channeling the spirit of the Gobert. Not entirely sure what this means but it did involve some dry humping while singing baaaaaad karoke.

Good times had by all - even the Fontaines who had to drive home at 6:00am so Jess could go to work. What a bunch of troopers.

Just a little sample of the fun to be had in the Edson area. By the way, official countdown is 28 days!
Penny and Jason

Thursday, January 18, 2007

We're Doomed! Doomed!

Hey Friends,

So here is the deal - Jason and I have been sentenced to five to ten years in Edson now that we have successfully managed to buy a house. This means that the communication we have with all of our Edmonton friends is doomed to wither away to a sad little pile of pixie dust.....UNLESS everyone we know and love in Edmonton (and hell, the ones in Edson too 'cause we probably won't talk to you either) start looking at and/or become part of this blog. This way you can keep up on what is going on in our lives and we will know what is happening in E-town.......without us ever having to use face to face communication!
So look, post whatever just pay attention to us, 'cause when I find out that one of our neighbours is a meth addicted child molester I can at least write a witty anecdote about it.


Penny and Jason